


and every road you take (will always lead you home)

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: come into these arms again [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 1950's Simon Lewis, 1950's era, Angst and Feels, Camille is only there for maybe 1-2 minutes tops, First Kiss, I have no excuse for this, M/M, Modern Era, NOW WITH A HAPPY SEQUEL, POV Raphael Santiago, Portals, Time Travel, all aboard the pain train, o boy she's back at it again with the sadness, show canon only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 21:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10862931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: For Raphael's 55th birthday Magnus gifts him a portal that leads to 1956.Brooklyn, NY 1956: he meets a beautiful boy by the name of Simon Lewis. They've never met before but Raphael feels like he could love him. They could fall in love.





	and every road you take (will always lead you home)

 

 

Raphael stands; gazing out at the busy streets of New York circa 1956 from a narrow alleyway.

He drinks it all in - the good and the bad. The posters announcing an art show downtown, the cozy bookstore around the corner. He even commits the angry cabbie nearby to memory.

Raphael does not belong here.

He used to once. Used to have a mamá who rolled tamales and scolded him for not washing his hands before he helped. He had a life here and now it's nothing more than an illusion - a portaled alternate world. His pulse thrums steadily, the moon illuminates a boy's brunet curls tamed with pomade. They complement a worn leather jacket over lean muscle. 

It's life in motion. 

Across the street a man takes his companions gloved hand in his own and helps her cross safely. She's trusting him without questioning why - there's love in the gesture. Just as there's love in every heavy word that falls from Raphael's own lips.

"I wish I could take you with me."

Simon Lewis jams his hands in his pockets and purses his lips into a fine line. Raphael wantsto stay. He certainly never expected to portal into the past and fall for a boy with doe eyed innocence and the sweetest beating heart. They've never met outside of this realm and it's not fair that Raphael should find someone to invest everything in only to lose him. 

 

 

 

This world was a gift for Raphael's 55th birthday. 

'Sunlight,' Magnus had said fondly. 'This world offers a life without blood. In it - the morning sun and flowers that bloom under its shadow. I know how you miss them.'

He couldn't have anticipated the twist of fate that shoved Simon Lewis into his path. The drawback (because magic is a finicky beast) is: he'll never be allowed to relive these moments. Once they've occurred and he has left the world, he can return but he'll never meet Simon. They'll never again share a milkshake or hold hands under the stars. 

 

 

 

Simon has to understand -

Some things are out of their control. 

He doesn't  _want_ to leave but the clan needs him. Without him around to talk her down Camille will come unhinged.

Raphael has been there for two months which equates to two days in the normal realm. The portal opens once every month and he'd purposely skipped two of them for one more day with Simon. He will never be ready to let him go. 

"Say something," Raphael pleads, tone warm and loving in a way he never addresses others. 

Simon's shoulders move slightly, tensing. "I can't," he says truthfully. His throat is tight and dry. If he speaks he'll give life to every sinful thought he's ever had. He'll lay it at Raphael's feet and watch him walk away from the sacrifice. He'll burn. 

"You always have something colorful to say," Raphael counters. His hands find Simon's shoulders and hold on too tight. The other inhales sharply - if he breathes through this - if he survives the loss...he'll be okay. Not fine or good - just _okay._

"Can't you stay?" Simon chokes out, staring at a sunny yellow cab picking up customers. 

Raphael has never been good at goodbyes. His eyes fill with unshed tears and he can't do this. He can't leave this world where sunshine rests in crinkled cheeks and incessant babbling over comic books. Where bliss means listening to Simon wax poetic about the state of the moon on a certain night. He shakes his head no and tells himself he's made of tougher material than this.

He's not a monster here but he might be. 

He's leaving Simon behind - 

He might be. 

The clock counts down. He's running out of time. Should he remain here any longer, he'll be stuck. Tick tock, the seconds taunt. Words are useless. He wants to take a part of Simon with him when he leaves. 

"Don't forget about me," he murmurs half serious half joking.

Of course Simon won't remember. Their time together is a flimsy narrative to be discarded - but  _he_ will. 

The older boy scuffs the heel of his buckled boots on the alleyway ground and it's tiny things like this that Raphael will forever remember. Tiny bombs as a lit fuse in his heart when the remedy is soon to be nothing more than a memory. 

"Simon," he whispers longingly. In an instant, he makes a decision. 

 

 

 

When they kiss, it's like magic. Just touching Simon's skin. He tastes of the last remnants of the cinnamon gum he'd chewed earlier and _life._ Raphael had forgotten the feeling until a beautiful Jewish boy shook his hand - he remembers - the corner of 21st street in the pouring rain - and said:

_"Lewis. Simon Lewis. Two first names."_

 

 

 

Raphael nips and sucks at his lips desperately. It's a first kiss and a last - how fitting that both should hurt.

Simon latches onto his t-shirt and hungrily kisses back. His lips are  _warm_ and slick as he pulls away and comes back for more - a record stuck on repeat. Raphael envelopes him in his arms and licks into the heat of Simon's mouth - if he never feels warmth again, it'll be just as well. 

Nothing could ever stack up against  _him._

 

 

Just as Simon sighs into the kiss and Raphael's back knocks against the exterior of an alleyway wall, the portal opens.

 

 

 

"This is where I leave you," Raphael says. 

His voice does not shake.

His eyes do not struggle to hold back a tidal wave of tears. 

His hands do not squeeze Simon's shoulders hard enough to bruise. 

Love makes us stronger. His mamá said that once but he only feels weakness and grief. He is consumed by it. 

They break apart slowly and Simon - he breaks. The front he'd held steadfastly to crumbles. He buries his face in Raphael's shoulder and presses tiny open mouth kisses along his skin. 

"Don't forget me," Raphael murmurs. 

He gets a hand on the back of Simon's head and their lips meet again. This kiss is drawn out and tender. It's a eulogy, a death hymn. 

Simon tastes of cinnamon and salt. His cheeks are damp and Raphael wants to stand there for hours just soothing away the pain, swallowing up his tears. It takes a lot of effort but he manages to distance himself until he's standing directly in front of the swirling vortex. 

 

The last words Simon Lewis speak are: 

_"Stick around... **please**." _

 

The portal closes. 

* * *

 

 

 

"He tastes sweet. Like caramel," Camille purrs as she trails a long nail over Simon's cheek.

 

He'd found Simon in _this_ world after decades of mourning and staring at Simon from a distance in the alternate world. Brooklyn, NY 1956. Each trip back into the portal was heartbreak as he couldn't relive their first kiss, their first hello and last goodbye. He could only watch and  _want._ It's been years since he last subjected himself to the pain. 

 

He will not let her have him. Simon will not die here in 2016. Not now, not ever. He'd rather give him up than see those eyes glazed over and skin deathly pale. God, how he lights up a room with his fluttering heartbeat and nervous smile. 

 

 _"Him?"_ Raphael asks, unimpressed. The idea is to paint Simon as repulsive, useless. She'll catch and release. 

 

He turns away from a stock solid Simon. If he were to meet sinister dark eyes, she would know. She would kill Simon just to spite him and he can't risk it. Caramel, she'd said. No, Simon tastes of  _cinnamon._

 

Simon with his big brown doe eyes - 

 

Simon who forgot him. 

 

She laughs and snaps her fingers. The younger boy immediately launches into a speech about replacing Raphael's expensive jacket but the only thing on Raphael's mind is black leather, cinnamon, tears.

 

Much later, he'll echo Simon's words back at him:

 

_"Stick around."_

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ***raphael isn't a vampire in the alternate world nor is simon***
> 
> hope this wasn't too confusing?? we all know how weird portals can be. this world happened to have a simon who grew up in the 50's and raphael who had to wait years for the real thing. 
> 
> also it took two months for raphael to work up the courage to go for it with simon tho they *have* held hands and shared a milkshake. he told himself it was just wishful thinking.
> 
>  
> 
> why? because I make the rules here. 
> 
> *shuts dusty book of rules that do not apply to me*
> 
>  
> 
> also this was inspired by a star trek episode. jean luc picard is bidding farewell to a 1930's small town cop and they're stood in a dark room with sad rain outside the window. there's a lot of eye contact and a heartbreaking line that I worked into my fic:
> 
> "I wish I could take you with me."
> 
>    
> title: see you again  
> artist: wiz khalifa
> 
>  
> 
> I am so so sorry for this sad fic. that's what I get for watching star trek. *sigh* will I ever learn?


End file.
